Got a note from a friend

I was inspired to send out that reply that I'd been working on, but to be honest I'll be surprised if it accomplishes anything more than just self amusement at this point. Here's the response:


I have spoken to my sources and reviewed the situation. They are not

used to working within these parameters, but it looks like your

situation must be fairly serious or else you wouldn't have resorted to

such drastic measures. After all, blasting emails all over the internet

isn't the most discreet or desirable ways of obtaining this type of

equipment. My distributors have expressed an extreme amount of

nervousness with our contact.

Be that as it may, I am prepared to make the equipment available as soon

as it can be transported to me. There are a couple caveats, so please

review this list and make the necessary corrections to avoid any

possible miscommunication:

Warp Generator # 52 4350a series wrist watch with series z65 memory

adapter. The z65 has a bit faster transfer rate, but it is fully backwards compatible with the #52 4350a model. Don't let anyone sell

you any of the higher models though.. as a result of the higher power

adapter some people have reported warping their arm safely to their

destination, while their body remains in the original location.

Acme 5x24 series time transducing capacitor with built in temporal

displacement. I'm not sure which jumper system you were planning on using, but your Fourier analysis of the waveforms necessary to generate

the kind of transfer rates you're speaking about may in error.

Alsaith's Theorem states that the transfer function necessary for any

non-causal system requires at least two opposing poles when plotted in

the S-domain. I recommend paying the extra $4000 and upgrading to the

Acme 6x24 system instead.

Plasma Ionizer. The crystal ionizer that you have requested will not

work within these dimensional, time, and space coordinates. This is why you don't see a lot of your fellow time travellers in this dimensional


My appologies for the amount of time it has taken to get back with you on

this. It is not easy in this time and dimension to safely and discreetly

procure the items you request. My sources have indicated that you have

continued to send mass email to inquire for this equipment from others.

In order to continue a secure transaction, I must insist the mass mailings

must stop immediately.